The point of no return
Updated: May 29, 2019
One of the first things I felt guided to do, as I was starting this journey of awakening, was to detox: physically, mentally and emotionally. I had started to become familiar with the concept of vibration, and how we attract what we're the vibrational frequency of.
I surely wanted to attract good things, so I started minding more what I put in my mouth. I realized I had been binge-eating every time I was stressed at work, so I was determined to break that habit by first going into an Ayurvedic detox for 10 days during the fall. After those 10 days, my bloating was gone, I felt much lighter and, the best thing of all, I wasn't having those awful sugar cravings I usually had a couple of hours after lunch. I also quit drinking coffee everyday (coffee used to be the daily fuel that kept me awake; perpetuating the bad habit of going to bed late, waking up late, feeling drowsy, etc.); limiting my intake to 1-2 cups/week during the weekend just for the pleasure of it, instead of it being a necessity. The same thing went for alcohol; limiting it to 1-2 glasses of organic red wine/week (a habit that I keep to this date).
I immediately started feeling the changes in my overall alertness and well-being: without so many chemicals and stimulants keeping my brain in reaction mode, I was finally able to become more present to the moment; to become less reactive to situations that threatened my stability, and to be able to provide calm and thought-out answers when everybody else seemed to be losing it at work with the ever-increasing demands. I picked up the habit of meditating twice a day; once in the morning before going to work (I found this helped a lot keeping me from feeling rushed in the mornings), and once in the evening before going to bed (which helped my sleep become deeper and more restful). I could also hold my meditations longer than the initial 5 min. I had started with, reaching half an hour after a couple of months and feeling as if only 5 min. had passed.
Hence, I started to feel mentally calmer with these changes in my daily habits. I suddenly had the time and the energy to start reading about different topics that I started becoming drawn to: quantum physics, metaphysics, UFOs, ETs, the origins of humanity, law of attraction, manifestation, archangels, energy healing... the list went on, and I wanted to devour all the knowledge that landed on my lap.
As I delved deeper into the topic of energy healing, I found the perfect solution to clear the emotional baggage I had been carrying around pretty much all of my life: my subconscious patterns around relationships stemming from my parents' divorce when I was only 8 years old; my idea of having to be an over-achiever and perfect all the time so that I could be loved; my limiting beliefs around love and money. I became aware that there was only so much I could do at a conscious level, such as forgiving my father for walking out on us; such as forgiving myself for having been so hard on myself all my life. I learned that the subconscious mind drives 90% of our decisions, and if I wanted to change these patterns, I had to do it by addressing my subconscious mind.
Around that time, I was fortunate enough to find an energy healer who helped me get rid of these patterns and who is currently one of my mentors. After working for a couple of months with him, I decided I wanted to get certified in this wonderful healing modality, since it literally changed my life for the better and I wanted to help other people free themselves as I have freed myself.
The rabbit hole kept getting deeper and deeper until, in January of 2019, I reached the point of no return: I came to the conclusion that my job was no longer in alignment with this new person I had become, and that I had to leave it for good. When I came to that realization, it didn't matter how hard I had worked to earn my place there. All the badges and titles that I had accumulated up that point and that came with it didn't matter either. It didn't matter how much I had needed that job in the past, and how it became my lifesaver at certain periods of my life. It didn't matter how much I loved the company and my team. This was about a deeper calling; about something much bigger than myself. This went beyond making a living working for a corporation to just make a profit. This was about being in full alignment with my soul and with my life mission, which I am still in the process of uncovering.
I don't know what the future will bring for me. All I know is that, as I am writing these lines after saying goodbye to the team and to the company I held so dear to my heart just last week, my mind is still. My soul is at peace. My heart is beating with excitement about the future, even if that future is uncertain at the moment. I'm finally at ease with uncertainty. It took some hard lessons and a lot of courage to overcome it, but I finally tamed that beast. I no longer have the anxiety I've had in past years as I found myself facing imminent unemployment in a country far away from my family and from my roots. I know deep in my core that this was the right move. I want to be of service. I want to live my life fully from the heart. Knowledge from the Heart is the perfect vehicle for me to do so. The rest will fall into place. This is the only certainty I have.