Deep into the rabbit hole...
Updated: Apr 23, 2019
I had already started to set my touring plan in motion; talking to the right people and putting myself out there so that everyone knew that I wanted to go on tour. At the same time, things at work were getting hectic, and as the company kept growing and expanding, I had more requests to take care of with less time to deliver. I started to feel the early stages of burn-out: constant fatigue regardless of the amount of sleep I got, frequent stomach aches, and hair loss. Thankfully my 35th birthday was just around the corner, and I would soon be flying to Mexico for a week to spend it with my family.
It was actually on the day of my flight, as I was watching some YouTube videos on the nature of reality and how some systems currently in place are designed to keep us in a never-ending cycle of consumerism, debt, and ultimate enslavement if we allow it (to our impulses; to the opinions of others, you name it!), when I heard for the first time the following statement by a controversial speaker: "We are spiritual beings having a temporary human experience." This phrase resonated with me in such a deep level that it ignited my curiosity. I wanted to know more about this. "Who are we? What is our purpose? What are we here for?" Perhaps by digging into these questions I could finally give my soul the answers it was seeking. After all, about a month had gone by since my dissatisfaction with the job I was doing finally manifested in a physical ailment: I was rushed to the hospital at the end of July with a sharp pain on the left side of my stomach, which happened to be diverticulitis; a condition where the follicles in your large intestine become so inflamed that, if left untreated, might require surgery to remove part of it. I had no idea this thing existed, and I was freaking out at the prospect of having to undergo emergency surgery that evening. I was crying, and I remember thinking enough was enough: the diverticulitis had been triggered by another late night at work followed by my usual food binge at my favourite restaurant as a reward. I knew the food at the end of the day wasn't a sustainable incentive to keep me going, and I needed to make some life changes PRONTO.
I kept thinking about that phrase: "We are spiritual beings having a temporary human experience". If this was, in fact, the case, was I living this temporary human experience to the fullest? Given my inner dilemmas, it sure as hell didn't seem to be the case. I was willing to do whatever it took, to learn whatever needed to be learned, and to make the lifestyle adjustments that needed to be made, if that would mean bringing me closer to answering the question: "What is my purpose? Why am I here?" I wanted to know how deep the rabbit hole went.
I didn't know it back then, but as I started looking for answers, my life would take an unexpected turn.