4 years since the landing...
Updated: Mar 10, 2019
It fills me with joy to be able to reconnect with you through these lines!
Today, I want to commemorate a special occasion: today marks my 4th anniversary in this amazing country, which I chose to make my new home. If somebody had told me, exactly 4 years ago, when I was landing at Montreal's international airport, where I would be at today, I would have said: "Please, just fast forward to that day! My heart hurts too much now from leaving everything I love behind; from knowing that I will miss my nephew's tender years growing up; from knowing that my mom will need my bi-weekly visits to my hometown to spend time with her; from knowing that my grandparents are worried about me surviving the harsh Canadian winters. Please, fast forward to that day, since my eyes burn too much from crying on the bus all the way from my hometown to Mexico City's airport, and from crying the whole flight from Mexico City to Montreal; not knowing exactly if I'm crying because I will miss everything familiar and comforting, or if it's because I'm just scared of what's waiting for me once I land in Canada. Please, just end this heartache and fast forward to August 3rd, 2017..." BUT NO!!! I realize now that fast forwarding wouldn't have allowed me to appreciate and value all the things I have now, and to forge the character that enabled me to get them.
How deeply grateful I am now, for the sleepless nights and stress that preceded every final and major project and that turned into an MBA degree from the best university in Canada. How grateful I am, for the nights I cried between 4 walls doubting myself; wondering if I'd ever be able to fulfill my own expectations; to be as smart as my classmates; to land a summer internship and eventually a full-time job... how grateful I am, for it was this questioning that made me work harder than the day before to accomplish my objective.
How grateful I am, for the love illusions that turned into heartbreaks, for it was these heartbreaks that made me the strong woman I am today, who knows exactly what she wants in a partner and who won't settle for anything less than she deserves.
How grateful I am, for the friends that turned into family, and who I know I can count on regardless of time and circumstances.
How grateful I am, for having struggled as much as I did to find an internship and a full-time job; to prove my worth in a new country; to have knocked on doors that wouldn't open, but that eventually led to the most wonderful job I could ever ask for, and for which I thank God and life for everyday... My heart feels like just exploding in joy and happiness just remembering all of this. I look back at all my experiences (good and bad) in these past 4 years, and I just can't believe what an incredible strength I've developed and the amazing rewards that came to this resilience.
I don't intend to come across as cocky, but I feel like one of God's chosen ones. So much pain, so many trials and tribulations must serve a purpose greater than my own, and I just hope that one day I am able to serve as an inspiration to all of those struggling in the pursuit of their dreams. All I would say to them is: "Yes, you can! Believe in yourself, always. Don't doubt your greatness; not even for one second, for it is in you that the source of abundance resides. If you don't believe in yourself and project this belief to the world, nobody else will. The universe won't provide. You have to believe in your greatness to open the door to miracles. Trust me, it works. I did it. It was hard as f*ck, but it was totally worth it. Right now, I feel as if I had magic between my hands. Literally. Everything I envisioned having and enjoying has manifested after I have put my whole heart and energy into it: my MBA degree, a dream job, an apartment that finally feels like home, a permanent residence in a country I've come to love with all my heart... Believe you deserve it and the universe will serve it. I promise. But first, you have to get over your own bullshit. You have to get over that inner voice telling you that you're not good enough; that you don't deserve greatness. You do. God put you in this life to be immensely happy. You sabotaging that happiness contradicts this purpose in every imaginable way. Why not believe that something wonderful is about to happen? Why not believe that if you want it badly enough, it will come? Why not believe that, if you put all your heart and energy into it, it will manifest? Why not share your greatness with the world? It is only you who's getting in your own way: to happiness, to success, to love. Don't do that. The world needs your light to shine bright to fight the darkness that is constantly threatening to take it over. You, my love, are light. You are love. You are capable of manifesting all things wonderful. Please, don't ever doubt that. The world needs more happy and fulfilled individuals who project their light onto others to lift them up; not to bring them down. There is enough jealousy, greed and hatred already for you to be contributing to it. You are better than that. You should be a gift to the world; not a burden. Go ahead and shine bright that kick-ass light of yours!" This would be my message to all of those going through hardships at the moment. I hope my words give you the ray of hope that you're seeking.
I don't have much more to add, except for something I experienced yesterday evening when I got back home from work.
As I opened my kitchen cabinets and put back the dishes I'd washed in the morning, I thought: Here it is. You bought these cups, these plates, these wine glasses (of course!)... You built all of this. Big or small, this is your kingdom. It belongs to you. If it hadn't cost you, you wouldn't appreciate it as much as you do. Building a new life in a new country certainly isn't easy. But you did it. It takes a special kind of courage to do that, and you have it. You should be proud, because even though under modern social standards you are not considered wealthy, you know you didn't start from the same playing field as most of your peers. You had to struggle harder to earn that degree, for you didn't study in your first language. You had to fight to find a home after having lived in a basement for almost 3 years, and one year in an apartment that never felt like home. You had to make French your working language, despite the fact that your business training was in English and French was the fifth and last language you learned. You even had to prove to the government that you were worthy of having what all people here are given by birth right: a permanent residence.
Your riches might not be predominantly material, but the amount of wealth you've accumulated in experiences; in overcoming hardships; in nurturing long-lasting friendships; in building resilience; in overcoming self-doubt; in cultivating faith: in God, in the fact that somehow things would eventually work out and, most importantly, in yourself... That is true wealth, my dear.
I wouldn't trade my coping mechanisms, my strength, my indomitable will, my resilience and my courage for all the money in the world. These are my most valuable assets, for I know that as long as they reside in me, I will be able to accomplish anything I set my mind to. Anything.
Last week I was watching the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" through a different set of lens than the ones I had when I watched it for the first time, when I was much younger and still under the nurturing and comfort of my former life. I could finally understand the message! So much, that I couldn't help shedding tears of joy upon hearing Julia Roberts quoting Liz Gilbert's ending to the movie:
"If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you."
My deepest wish is for you to experience something similar in your lives.